


Soar Again

by nocxiv



Series: Sunshine [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I'm Sorry, this is not how it's supposed to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 03:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2214126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nocxiv/pseuds/nocxiv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karasuno's #10, Shouyou Hinata, used to soar.</p><p>Used to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i

"Kageyama."

The raven-haired boy blinked once. Twice. Where was he? A quick onceover told him he was sitting by the gym's entrance. The carton of milk he was holding wasn't cold anymore and yet, he was not even able to drink half of it. The sky was dreary, with heavy, gray clouds hovering by.

"Noya senpai. What's wrong?"

His senior folded his arms across his chest. Sharp brown eyes fixed on his junior, he answered, "Nothing. I just wanted to know if you're still here."

"I am."

"Are you sure about that?"

Tobio didn't reply.

"Asahi, Daichi, Suga and Kiyoko called this morning. They were asking about you."

"I see."

"They said you wouldn't answer your phone."

"I left it at home. I jogged earlier."

"Remember to message them later," Yuu advised. "They're worried. It's June, after all."

"I will," Tobio downed the rest of the milk before tossing the empty carton into the nearest bin. It went in smoothly. "Senpai, I'm thinking…"

"Hm?"

"For an idiot as bright as sunshine, isn't it ironic that Shouyou was born during the rainy season?"

 _Shouyou_. Yuu shoved both of his hands into his slacks' pockets. Whenever Tobio said his name, it always carried something intricate: warmth, combined with sadness.

 _He misses him_ , Yuu concluded.

"It is," he agreed.

"And for someone so young," Tobio carried on. "Isn't it freaking ironic how he's already dead? Hilarious, right?"

"I don't find it hilarious," Yuu snapped. He balled his hands into tight fists, making sure they remained in his pockets. "And neither do you."

A short burst of laughter erupted from Tobio. He then proceeded to cover his face with his hands. "Shoyou ended up like that because of me, right?"

"Kage—"

"It's my fault," he concluded. "No matter how many times I replay that scene in my head, it's my fault, senpai. I swear it is."

"If Hinata were to hear that stupid rambling of yours, he'd have punched you square in the face by now."

"But that's the thing: he isn't here. Senpai, I won't do anything stupid again, so please, leave me alone for now.  _Please_."

Yuu hesitated, but seeing Tobio wouldn't budge, he gave his junior's hair a quick tousle before retreating back to their school's main building. It was silent at first, but the rain began to pour steadily, creating a calming rhythm against the tin roof of the covered walk. The sky faintly rumbled, and the smell of earth began to rise from the ground.

Tobio tasted something salty, but he sat still, listening to the rain and thunder.


	2. ii

_"Kageyama, I think…I think I'd go insane if I don't get to play volleyball anymore."_

_"I see."_

_"You're not going to retaliate?"_

_"You take volleyball seriously, and so do I."_

_"You think it's stupid?"_

_"No. Not really."_

-::-

Tobio spiked the ball against the wall, and hit it again the moment it bounced back. The steady sound of rubber pounding against concrete resonated in his ears. He saw nothing. Thought about nothing. Felt nothing. He knew his hands were already red and bruises were beginning to form, but he didn't give a damn.

_I may be small, but I can jump!_

_One more time!_

_I had a feeling that we wouldn't be 'friends' at first, but we would be 'partners'._

_I'm here!_

"No, you ass," Tobio whispered, his eyes fixed on the ball. "You aren't freaking here. You—" he lost his rhythm; the ball bounced to another direction, and he wasn't able to receive it. It rolled on the ground, gradually coming to a stop after a few seconds.

The teenager wiped the sweat off his forehead with his shirt's sleeve.

"You promised you'd be the one to defeat me," he muttered. "You said—"

"Tobi-nii!"

He turned around, and the familiar hue of orange hair caught his attention first. He caught the girl in his arms. "Natsu, what're you doing here?"

With sunshine in her eyes and warmth gracing her smile, the young girl let go and answered, "I heard you playing and the ball's going  _bam!_ and  _gwah!_  so I ran all the way here!"

"But what if it wasn't me? Be more careful next time."

"I know it's you, though," she returned. "Because only Shou-nii knows about this place, and he said the only only  _only_ person he brought here was you."

A wistful smile broke out from Tobio's lips. He pointed at the plastic bag she was carrying. "What's that?"

"I went to the market to buy some ingredients for mom. She's cooking supper," Natsu grinned widely—the kind which strongly resembled Shouyou's. "Please join us!"

-::-

Tobio was greeted into the household warmly, and after Natsu grabbed something from the plastic bag, she handed it to her mother. He realized they were meat buns. The very ones they used to get from Keishin's shop.

"Tobi-nii," she began. "Do you want some?"

"Isn't that for Shouyou?"

She smiled, and shook her head briefly. "I think he'd like it better if we shared."

Tobio and Natsu sat on the porch, staring at the vacant horizon stained with hues of orange and pink. The buns were warm, and his teeth sunk into the softness of the bread. He chewed, letting the flavor permeate his taste buds.

"You don't visit nowadays," Natsu pointed out.

He smiled sheepishly, and tousled the little girl's hair. "I'm sorry; school is keeping me busy."

"Hey, Tobi-nii."

"Hm?"

"I miss Shou-nii a lot. Sometimes, I even cry. Do you cry when you miss him?"

Tobio kept quiet.

"When Shou-nii loses something that's important to him, he isn't afraid to cry," Natsu carried on. "So I think I'm crying for the same reason. But Shou-nii doesn't keep on crying, you know! He wipes his tears away, pats his chest twice and then he stands up again. And then he'd smile."

Chuckling, he remarked, "That sounds like Shouyou, all right."

The both of them, after all, learned that lesson at the same time. It happened when they officially fought Aobajousai on the court. They pushed themselves with all their might, but in the end, they lost. It was a bitter pill for them to swallow.

_Isn't 'defeat' more like a trial to overcome? Of whether you can stand up and walk again after falling to your knees._

On that day, Tobio's pride as a setter came crashing down. He protected everything in the best of his ability, but the opposing team's power broke his defenses down.

On that day, something in Tobio shattered.

But it was not a bad thing. He considered it to not be a bad thing.

 _Only hard hearts break_ , he thought.

And what replaced the debris, was something even better: a strong heart.

"Tobi-nii, is Shou-nii important to you?" Natsu pressed on.

"Shouyou, huh?" he muttered. "Yeah, he's important to me."

"Then, do you cry when you miss him?"

He looked at her, bright eyes reminding him of her older brother's stare. What flashed before him were different scenes he lived through, after the reality of living without Shouyou finally hit him.

Most of them were blurry.

Not because he couldn't remember them anymore.

Tobio could not see clearly, for the mere fact that his tears got in the way.

The pinkish scars on his arms burned.

"I do, Natsu," he quietly answered. "I do."


	3. iii

Karasuno's #10, Shoyou Hinata, died in a traffic accident.

He was riding his bicycle at night, when a black sedan sent him flying several feet away from where he was.

Shouyou's spine was shattered, but the main cause of his death was his broken rib, which pierced his heart.

He wouldn't fly anymore. Even if he survived.

And Tobio thought it was all because of him.

If it weren't for the rest of his teammates, he wouldn't even be able to attend Shouyou's funeral. He was too numb to cry at that time. Natsu embraced him, and their mother did not blame Tobio.

"He wouldn't end up like this," Tobio whispered. "If I just refused his invitation. We could have just practiced the next day, when it's bright. He could have just stayed at home. I could have just told him to wait until tomorrow. I—"

"It can't be helped," Daichi cut in. "If you go on blaming yourself like that, you'll end up carrying things you shouldn't even carry."

He bit his lower lip. Clenched fists, he murmured, "I deserve every bit of it. Shouyou he—he had so many things in his mind we're supposed to enter the nationals together I—"

"Should carry on walking," Koushi cut in, his eyes fixed on Shouyou's portrait: grinning carelessly, fiery hair glimmering beneath the summer sun. "Kageyama, don't let this be your excuse to stop now. You can cry. You can be sad. But don't you dare give up."

"Hinata wouldn't like it, knowing the very rival he held on to, has the tendency to wallow himself in self-condemnation," Ryunosuke concluded. He sniffed, and scratched the tip of his nose with his index finger. "At least, that's the idea I get."

Yuu patted Tobio's back. "And we're here. Because we're family."

Those words helped Tobio.

Just not enough for him to stay in the team.

Just not enough to keep the razor away from his skin.

-::-

Hitoka was the first one to notice the slits.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her tiny hands giving warmth to Tobio's arms. "Are the occasional bruises you get from volleyball not enough?"

"Your tongue can be sharp at times."

"If it's what I have to do to get through you, I wouldn't hesitate to talk to you like this!" she bit her lower lip, and looked up at him. Her stare was serious. "Sugawara-san said it's okay to be sad. But please, don't hurt yourself like this…"

Her grip on him tightened.

"Yachi—"

"We're all hurting," she cut in. "But if you do this…if you do this…"

Tobio's eyes softened up. He gently broke free from Hitoka's grasp, and wrapped his hands around hers. "Shouyou loved you, you know?"

The floodgates opened. And beneath the cold, dreary sky, the two friends cried in silence.

-::-

"Tobi-nii."

He looked at Natsu, who was firmly holding his hand. Her mother called Tobio earlier, asking if he could pick her little girl up from school that spring afternoon. Cherry blossoms fell down abundantly—a pink storm, bursting with scents of flowers and pastel-colored laughter.

"What is it?"

"What's that?" she pointed at the scars on his wrist. "I can see it from here. What's that? Did you hurt yourself?"

A pause. "I did."

"Do you want a Band-Aid?"

He smiled, and said, "Sure."

The both of them stopped walking. Natsu let go of Tobio before fishing something out from her school bag. She pulled out a can, carefully opened it (she subconsciously began to pout) and took three strips of plaster, patterned with volleyballs against an orange background. Tobio got down on one of his knees to meet her in the eye, and Natsu carefully placed the plasters on his scars.

"Be careful next time, all right?" she asked.

He nodded. "Hm."

A child was what it took, for Tobio to fight the urge of harming himself once again.


	4. iv

It was autumn, when Tobio spotted Yuu near the gym. Crimson leaves carpeted the ground, and the sky was a soft shade of blue. He had a ball with him, but he remained seated on the steps.

"You alone?" Tobio began.

"Tanaka dashed for the toilet. We're actually playing. Do you want to join us later?"

"It's your final year here."                  

Yuu laughed at the younger one's remark. "You got that right. We have to prepare for exams soon."

"I'm sorry, for dropping out like that."

Silence.

"Really," Tobio choked out. "But thank you, for being so accommodating."

"Spit it out already," Yuu shot back. "You've got something to say, right?"

"I…want to join the team again."

Yuu stood up, dusted off his slacks and placed both of his hands on his waist. With a triumphant grin, he said, "It freaking took you long enough, Kageyama."

And Tobio was finally home.

**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just me, playing around with the idea of a person's impermanent presence here, in this world. Because it does happen. People leaving first. People leaving suddenly. And I think, instead of trapping ourselves in the past, we should carry on with the legacy that can help the future.
> 
> "There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
> 
> A right time for birth and another for death,  
> A right time to plant and another to reap,  
> A right time to kill and another to heal,  
> A right time to destroy and another to construct,  
> A right time to cry and another to laugh,  
> A right time to lament and another to cheer,  
> A right time to make love and another to abstain,  
> A right time to embrace and another to part,  
> A right time to search and another to count your losses,  
> A right time to hold on and another to let go,  
> A right time to rip out and another to mend,  
> A right time to shut up and another to speak up,  
> A right time to love and another to hate,  
> A right time to wage war and another to make peace."
> 
> \- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8


End file.
